omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Randomize
