Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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