I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
