its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
it glows. i had to have it.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
