He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
