He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
