just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
