i jhust puked up my retainher.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I have fence marks all over my body
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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