She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
