she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
