Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
