So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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