I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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