Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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