You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
