I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I'm drive I can fine osifer
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize