So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
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Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
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I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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