I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I need to stop coming to work sober
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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