Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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