I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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