Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
