why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
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So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
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Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I have post one night stand depression
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