the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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