you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
