True but thats because hes a fetus.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
