JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
You need a sexual gate keeper
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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