so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
