No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
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