Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize