I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
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