i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Randomize
