the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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