I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
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