roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
