I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
