I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Randomize
