the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
