sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
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