It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
