Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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