I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
