i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
