you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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