I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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