Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
