you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
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I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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