If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
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