I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
