I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
