remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
