I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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