discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
