She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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