HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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