i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
