weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
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just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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