Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize