we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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