I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
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Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
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Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
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