Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
