no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
