i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
