I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
