I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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