worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
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