Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Randomize
