Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
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