M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
