Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
