the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Betty ford says i'm here all night
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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