I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
